come to know - 見知らぬ子供に、横断歩道で指をつかまれた夏

　The village at the foot of the mountains where the family's home is located is a collection of ordinary farmhouses, and the road running through the center of the village is narrow, only wide enough for a single light car to pass. Moreover, the road twists and turns like a snake. The road is also very steep, and the ditches are also sloped, so the sound of running water is always loud. The road was not built with cars in mind, and if two cars collide, one of them has to keep backing up for a while.
　The village is small, with only about 20 houses, so the road up the hill soon ends in a mountain forest. There is a small shrine on the right at the entrance to the forest, and the vacant lot next to the shrine is used somewhat like a parking lot. Naoki got out of the car and frowned at the summer heat and the chorus of cicadas that immediately attacked him. Although he had come as early as possible, the sun was already as strong as midday.
　Naoki walked slowly down the slope he had just driven up.

　The main house was in the middle of the hill. The site of the house, which was piled up with earth, was another step higher. The small hill between the barn and the main house is even narrower and steeper, and I am afraid to drive up it, so I always walk from the parking lot of the company. The main house on the right side of the hill is a remnant of the liquor store that once operated there, and the frontage of the entrance is very wide. Stepping over the high threshold, I enter the dark, wide earthen floor and feel the cold air like a living creature caressing my feet.
"Hey!"
　I am surprised to find that my thick voice reverberates more than I expected. A man peeks out from the back. It is Makoto, Naoki's cousin and heir to the main family. When he saw Naoki, his cheeks relaxed.
Oh, it's been a long time, Makoto. Visiting the grave, I see. Have you been there yet?
I just wanted to say hello before I go. How are you?　Is Auntie around?
She's out in the fields. I told her she was too old and it was too hot to be doing that. Come on up, come on up, I'll give you a drink.
I'm here by car.
Why don't you have Yoko drive? Where's Yoko?
Just me today. Yoko has something to do.
　Naoki did not tell Yoko that she had not come home for the past three months.
　He sat down on the high stile that was as high as his waist, took off his shoes, and went up to the tatami room. The black lacquered table, an old-fashioned fan, the sound of the Koshien soccer tournament on the TV in the Buddhist room next door, and the view of the pond in front of the front door from the open window of the guest room were just as they had been when he was a child. I remember how my grandmother, who was still alive at the time, used to give me a bowl of rice that had been moistened with water to feed to the carp in the pond whenever I returned to my hometown. The pond was surrounded by black rocks, the rocks were covered with greenery, and there was even a small fountain. Standing in front of the window and looking out into the garden, I felt as if I were back in elementary school. The ground in this area is sandy and white, and in the summer, even the strong sunlight reflects off the white ground, making it even more dazzling.
Oh, Sunao-san, it's been a year, how are you?
　Makoto's wife, Yumi, came out. The tray in her hand was already filled with a large number of small plates of pickles and simmered dishes. It was as if she had been waiting for Naoki's arrival.
Yumi and you too," he said. Where are Micchan and the others?"
Misaki is starting college this year. She said she's going to live in a dormitory and she's out of town.
I see. I didn't realize they were already there. I'm not sure if she's going to be able to handle it anymore.
　As Naoki said this, Makoto came in with a bottle of beer and two glasses and sat cross-legged in front of the table.
What's that? It still takes a lot of work and money.
You're going to get married soon, aren't you?
Oh, please do it, please do it, please go and get married quickly.

Makoto laughed with a bravado that was tinged with acting. He is a company-employed farmer with a dark tan and white teeth. Yumi continued the conversation as they sat down to a table full of food.
Gen is starting work this year," she said.
Yuu, you're that old now, aren't you? How are you today?
She said she wanted to live alone, even though it was within commuting distance from here. So neither of us are here. But he says he's going back to his hometown.
......Well, she's young, so I guess I can understand why she wants to live on her own.
　Naoki was aware of Yumi's words, "I left," and coughed as if he was not conscious of it.
　At that moment, an incoming call melody sounded, and "Yes, yes," Makoto put his smartphone to his ear. Then he instantly became sullen and said to Naoki, "Excuse me," and walked out of the house while making the call.
It's from the office, isn't it?"
　Yumi sighed.
'Makoto's place is closed for the Bon vacations starting today, isn't it?
Yumi sighed and said, "Some departments are on vacation. He never leaves his cell phone when he's out in the field.
　Makoto has a clerical job at a local paper mill, but since he is in a managerial position, he is called in for anything and everything when the mill is in operation, even on holidays, according to the company. Naoki's company was similar.
Where's Yoko today?"
　Yumi asked while pouring herself a cup of barley tea. Naoki was about to respond that he had some business to attend to, as he had done with Makoto, when he thought better of it. As I recall, Yumi was good friends with Yoko. Naoki and Makoto were cousins of the same age and were married at the same time. At that time, I think the wives had been in touch with each other and met each other, though not frequently.
　Naoki looked at Yumi's face as he accepted the cup of barley tea.
Naoki looked at Yumi's face as she accepted a cup of barley tea.
"Haven't heard what?"
　Yumi leaned forward on the table, arranging small plates in a deft manner, and replied. Naoki immediately turned away from her. Outside the window, by the pond, Makoto was on the phone. With his right hand on his ear and left hand in his pants pocket, he was digging lightly in the white sand with his sandals. Naoki looked at Makoto and said as if it was nothing.
He's back at his parents' house right now.
Back at his parents' house?
Yes, he's back at his parents' house. He said he wants to break up with them.
What?
　Yumi stopped her hand in exclamation, even though she had wanted to treat it as a problem of the mosquitoes being abundant this year. When confronted, though, it was a natural reaction, and Naoki immediately regretted having told her. Although he had always wanted someone to listen to him, why had he chosen Yumi as the person to talk to? It was not the kind of thing to talk about with my cousin's wife, whom I only saw once a year when I visited her grave or at a memorial service. Yumi felt the same way, and she was silent, saying that it was a heavy burden to be suddenly told by her husband's cousin, whom she saw only once a year when she visited the grave or at a memorial service.

No, really, it's not that big of a deal.
What can I say? ......
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Don't worry about it. I'm sure it's only temporary.
　The first thing to do is to make sure that you have a good idea of what you are looking for. She looked at Naoki while unnaturally wiping the same spot on the tray she held to her chest over and over again with a kitchen cloth. Naoki felt the pain of his gaze, as if only his profile was partially exposed to ultraviolet rays, as he looked at Makoto who was on the phone in the garden. Makoto pretends for a moment that he is about to return, but he still continues to call and sits down on a rock surrounding the pond in the round shade of a beach parasol that is erected by the pond. It was where Makoto always sat, or perhaps it was where he always sat, and a portable radio, ashtray, and other items were always available under the round shade.
I don't think I'd say much about breaking up with you over a temporary thought,"
　Yumi said, choosing her words carefully.
'What did you do, Sunao?　Something ...... like that."
No way."
　In the thirty years since we got married, we have had a few fights, but generally we have lived together peacefully. I've never experienced any affairs, and I don't yell at him that much. Although they never had a child, they had always been on good terms with each other. At least that's what Naoki thought.
He said, "Without warning, he suddenly wants to break up with me?　How is that possible?　Was there any kind of sign?" "No."
No, nothing like that.
　Although there were no omens, Yoko had a concerned expression on her face that day. I had always thought she was either looking at me or looking in the same direction as me, but that day was different. The expression on her face that came to mind was strange.
'I did have a strange look on my face once.'
　Naoki said.
'A strange look?
'Yeah. It was during the Golden Week holidays this year, when we went on a trip.
　Naoki goes on a trip every time he has a vacation. He and Yoko took a three-night trip by train this time, although they drove when they were in the neighborhood.
　The train ride is usually a limited express, and the return trip is always a leisurely ride back home on a slow train. The train ran through the mountains. Suddenly the view opened up to the sea and we crossed a high overpass. The train entered the mountains again, crossed a tunnel, and then the view opened up again, revealing the ocean, and so on, alternating between these views.
　As I gazed at the view from the train window, a small station approached at the end of the gently curving tracks. On a whim, Naoki said, "Let's get off here. I wanted to see what this kind of mountain town near the sea was like. Naoki urged Yoko to get out of her seat and they got off at a small station.
　The station was on high ground.
　Naoki was surprised to suddenly see the whole town when he went out of the ticket gate and stood in front of the station building. There was a small roundabout at the bottom of the high stairway of the station building, and beyond the roundabout were wooden houses across the street. The entire town seemed to be made up of slopes, and the rows of houses continued down to the bottom of the hill, and beyond the break was a bay, where several fishing boats were anchored. Beyond them, one could see the blue ocean with white wave caps flickering and the horizon. The wind was strong at the station on high ground, and the scent of the sea mingled with the breeze.

Naoki was delighted by the unexpectedly spectacular view. He went down the stairs of the station building and went to the roundabout, but there was not a single car. There was a bus stop, but no buses, not even a cab. The two of them crossed the roundabout and then crossed a two-lane road with no cars on it.
　A series of two-story wooden buildings stood in front of them. The board walls had been eroded by the wind and rain. The alley between the buildings was an old concrete structure, and the road was so narrow that I could almost reach the buildings on either side with both hands. I entered the alley, replying to Yoko, who said, "Hey, this is a private road," to which I replied, "It's okay, it's fine. An old large cart was propped up on the ground. A moped with several layers of styrofoam boxes stacked on the back of it. Dried fish hangs from the roof. Windows are draped with sliding screens, faded flowerpots sit side by side on the roadside, and here and there a cat naps, walks, or walks away, startled by Naoki and his friends. Nets and large floating fishing equipment are placed haphazardly along the roadside, and looking up, one sees that the buildings are high on both sides, the blue sky cut into long, thin strips, and black power lines crisscrossing the street in multiple layers.
　The scent of the tide grows stronger as you walk down the alleyway.
　Somewhere in the distance, the cries of dragonflies reach us. Mixed with it is the sound of a busy television set. In the window of a small, four-and-a-half-tatami-mat room, there was a man in a pair of pants, kneeling on the tatami mats, his back to us, watching TV.
　There was a wooden table with a small plate of cucumbers and dried fish, a glass and a bottle of beer, and he was slurping down the yellow beer that was slightly left at the bottom of the glass. It looked good, too. Naoki thought to himself, "I wish I could drink beer like this. The man was thin, and when he looked up from the glass, his throat was thin, with a large larynx that rose and fell. His shins, which were visible through the pants on his knees, and his arms, which stretched out from his running shirt, looked like dead branches.
　Naoki thought with satisfaction, "Let's go home and have a beer.
　Naturally, he turned to see that Yoko was feeling the same way, but she was not looking at Naoki. She was staring at the man. In a whisper, he muttered, "You drink like a delicious man," and Yoko wrinkled her brow. Eh, I don't know, it looks lukewarm and tasteless, she responded. All the while, she remained staring at the man. There was something disturbing about his expression. Naoki said, "Let's go home," and ran over Yoko's arm. Then she looked at Naoki as if suddenly coming back to herself. She reflexively shook off Naoki's hand as if it was the first time she had been touched by a stranger. Hey, what the hell," she whispered, and Yoko silently turned away and began to walk up the hill in the alley. Naoki followed her up the hill and headed back to the station.
　Yoko did not speak until they arrived home.
　The next morning, before leaving for work, Yoko told me that we were breaking up and that she was going to her parents' house. Naoki laughed it off because it was so out of the blue and he didn't have much time.
She was gone when I got home from work, and she's just like that. You don't know what I mean, do you?　He ignored all my e-mails and messages. I don't know what's going on anymore.
　Naoki said to himself in a self-deprecating manner. He felt like he was explaining how he fell down on the side of the road, having inadvertently fallen due to something that was not his fault.

I'm sure she'll be back after Obon. Yumi, are you sure you haven't heard anything?"
　I meant to say it lightly, but my voice took on an earnest tone. I hate myself for saying it in a flirtatious way.
　Yumi laughed vaguely and asked, "Do you want some sashimi?" and disappeared into the kitchen. Left alone in the guest room, Naoki looked around the kitchen for any sign of Makoto and wished he could smoke a cigarette.
　He gazed at the familiar black lacquered table he had seen since his childhood. The black lacquered zataku was well used and thick, with mother-of-pearl inlay on the top panel. The mother-of-pearl inlays are not in the shape of anything, but simply scattered about. I was gazing at the raden in all its colors peeking through the gaps between the platters and small plates Yumi had laid out when she returned. She places a plate of sashimi for one person in front of Naoki.
I don't have Yoko's phone number, e-mail address, or line anymore. ...... I used to contact her, and we used to go shopping and have dinner, but that was 20 years ago or so.
　Yumi said apologetically.
　This time Naoki smiled vaguely and nodded, but I thought the edges of his lips were pursed. I want a cigarette, I thought strongly this time. I felt irritation in my hands as they casually stroked my cheeks. I feel like I'm being given a quiz that doesn't really have an answer. Naoki is also impatient that Makoto has not returned yet. If he comes back, we can finish this conversation. I don't want to talk about Yoko anymore. Naoki feels that if he doesn't talk about Yoko, even the issue of divorce will disappear.
　He feels uncomfortable and is about to leave when Yumi says, "So I just remembered something.
I was about to leave when Yumi said, "That reminds me, I once went to something called a campervan festival.
What?　A campervan?
Yes.
A campervan, you know, for the outdoors?　Did you go with Yoko?
I'm sorry, it's not that. When I heard what you just said, I suddenly thought of something. ...... Makoto likes campervans. I was talking about how I want to buy one. But I don't feel that a camper is practical or realistic for me. The top of the driver's seat is protruding, and the face looks like a cobbler's, or ...... you know?"
I said, "Well, I'm not sure, but no, not the kobudai, but the kobudai too. ...... eh?"
　The first time I saw him, I thought, "I'm going to go to the beach," and he said, "I'm not going to go to the beach.
I went anyway," she said. I said, "Well, I went there anyway.
　Various manufacturers, both domestic and foreign, bring all kinds of used and new campervans, ranging in price from several hundred thousand yen to several tens of millions of yen, to display them. When Makoto heard that such an event was to be held at the prefecture's largest industrial exhibition hall, it was Makoto, not Yumi, who was enthusiastic. She was clueless about campers, had no interest in the outdoors, and had no desire to spend a fortune. Usually when Yumi was in the passenger seat of the car, Makoto would always point out a camper when he spotted it in town while driving, "Oh, it's a camper," but he didn't even know why he was pointing it out. I don't even know why she points at it. No, she probably points at it because she wants it, but she says she doesn't want it. But every time Makoto finds a camper, she points at it and says, "Oh, it's a camper. Yumi wondered if he was asking me to want it. But she doesn't want it. Why would I want such a big car? She would have to rent a separate parking space since she could not drive it to the house, but Makoto did not even think about that.

I arrived well before the event started, but there were many cars parked in the parking lot, some with license plates not only from within the prefecture but also from other prefectures far away. Since it was a campervan festival, there were naturally many campervan owners, and various campervans were already parked, so much so that one could be mistaken for the venue. People were lined up in front of the building waiting for the doors to open. They waited for their turn at the hall counter and paid the admission fee, which was as expensive as a movie ticket. Then Yumi stopped.
　There was an unbelievable number of campervans lined up in neat rows.
　Yumi was overwhelmed by the sight, as she had not imagined it at all. Makoto, who had done his homework, looked at the cars one after another without hesitation. She excitedly peeked inside, took off her shoes and climbed up, talked with exhibitors, and asked for pamphlets on the cars she was interested in. Some look like large buses, some are converted vans, and some are simply sheds on the backs of light trucks. Some are luxurious like hotels, some are woody and decorated like log cabins, some focus on functionality, some have sofas, kitchens, toilets, and shower rooms, some have space for pets and storage, movable furniture is commonplace, and the "cobbler's dai" section, for example, has a loft sleeping area. The "cobblestone" part of the room was a loft sleeping area. I see what you mean, Yumi thought.
　The clientele was rich and varied. There were couples of the same age as Yumi and her friends, people with newborn babies, people with strollers, people with twins in two-person strollers, older couples, and people in wheelchairs. There were older couples, people with children in wheelchairs, people with elderly people in wheelchairs, people with small dogs, people with large dogs, people with many dogs, not only Japanese of course, but people of all skin colors and languages, cats with collars on their shoulders, people with rabbits on their shoulders, people with red Some even had a rabbit on their shoulders, some had a red parrot-like bird, and some had a mysterious animal on their shoulders that looked like a ferret, weasel, or something else entirely.
　Yumi was dizzy from seeing the world for the first time in her life. She saw campervans of all kinds, one after another, families, races, and animals of all kinds, and she felt as if she were in a wonderland. When I left the industrial exhibition hall after seeing almost all the campers, the asphalt ground shook so violently that it was difficult to walk straight. When I returned home and sat down to dinner at my usual living room table, I noticed the resemblance between Makoto and my father-in-law sitting in front of me, and when I looked at the photo on the Buddhist altar that they both stand behind, I noticed the resemblance to Makoto's grandfather and even his great uncle who died when he was still young.
　Even as they sat, the ground was still shaking.

Once Makoto concluded, rather realistically, that he could not yet afford it, he seemed satisfied. However, whenever he saw a camper in town, he kept saying, "Oh, it's a camper. After the festival, whenever Yumi saw a camper pointed out to her in this way, she began to see through it. It was almost clairvoyant. When she looked at the car that Makoto pointed at, the space inside appeared vaguely. There was a bed there, a kitchen behind the driver's seat, a table the size of an A3 sheet, a set of sofas surrounding the table, and a tarp stored above the sliding doors to provide shade on sunny days. The tarp is stored above the sliding door to provide shade on sunny days.
At such times, Yumi feels like she knows.
She knows that there is a context to things, and that there is always a hidden path to a conclusion that at first glance is incomprehensible. Even if that path is something you do not want to see, once you see it, you know you cannot look away. Once you know, you can no longer say that you do not know. Knowing that everyone probably has a moment of knowing.
What is that? What on earth are you talking about?
　Naoki did not understand what Yumi was talking about.
What does this have to do with Yoko not coming home?　What do you mean?
　Yumi was a little troubled, and then simply laughed vaguely, saying, "I can't really say. She laughed in the same way she had laughed earlier when she went to get sashimi.
　He was making fun of me, Naoki thought, but he did not say it out loud. He was irritated. I don't know what you're trying to say or what you think you know, but putting on a knowing face is what people who don't know things do. You can interpret it however you like. I went to see a camper and I know everything. That's great. You can look through my miserable circumstances with your eyes to your heart's content.
　Just as I was thinking that, Makoto came back. He was still apologizing, emphasizing his white teeth and smiling, saying he was busy, busy, busy. He kept offering me beer even though I told him I was coming by car, and complaining about his daughter and son to Naoki, who has no children. He complains about his daughter and son to Naoki, who has no children.
　Naoki talked with her for about an hour, and then he said it was time for him to leave. Yumi did not talk about Yoko after Makoto returned, and Naoki naturally treated her as if nothing had happened. On the way back to the parking lot at the top of the hill, Yumi followed me and handed me a watermelon as a souvenir.
She said, "We're getting a lot of them, but we can't eat them all ourselves.
I'm sorry," Yumi said.　I'm sorry.
It's okay, it's okay, take it home.
Even if I take it home, I'll be on my own.
　Naoki said self-deprecatingly. Yumi laughed vaguely again, as if she was troubled. Yumi laughed again, this time in a vaguely annoyed tone, which was more mean-spirited than self-deprecating.
Do you think she'll come back, Yoko?
　Yumi only laughed vaguely at the question, which came out of nowhere.
　The sun was setting, but the shadows were thick and it was still hot.
　Naoki walked back to the car and opened the passenger door. When he put down the watermelon he had received, his arms and face were covered with the heat that had been trapped inside the car. He almost closed the door, but then thought better of it and put the seatbelt on the watermelon. I quickly closed the door, went around to the driver's side, and turned the engine key without getting in. He wanted to leave the engine running to cool the interior of the car while he visited the grave.

　Naoki walked further up the slope.
　The narrow slope in the village that leads up to the shrine hits the forest and appears to disappear, but in fact it continues. The pavement ends and is replaced by a hard-packed dirt ground, the width of the path becomes even narrower, and from this point on, it can only be climbed on foot. The lower semicircle is like a tunnel, with bare earth and holes for bees and other creatures everywhere. The upper semicircle is covered with leaves and branches of trees, and the sun shines through the trees only occasionally. As we climbed up the hill, constantly fanning our feet and surrounding area with a fan to protect ourselves from mosquitoes, bees, or anything else that might attack us, the forest on our right suddenly opened up to form a staircase-like cemetery.
　The graveyards varied in size and age, from those with magnificent headstones to those with just a row of stones. The cemetery was not paved, and the bare earth looked as if it could collapse at any moment, but the scene had not changed since Naoki was a child. He lights a bundle of incense sticks, makes a hole with a twig in the ground in front of the gravestones of his parents and family, and sticks the sticks in one by one. He waters the shikimis offered to the family. While doing so, I am sweating profusely. I am not sure how many of the graves are related to my family, or if I am related to any of them, but since I was a child, my parents and grandparents taught me to visit almost all the graves I could see. I'm sure I was taught which stone was my great-grandfather and which stone was his parent, but I don't remember anything anymore. Until recently, people were buried in the ground, so there must have been an actual tub of bodies buried in the upper graves. I felt as if my ancestors, up to me, had been standing side by side for generations and were looking down at me, the only one here. A crow perched on a gravestone at a distance, perhaps aiming at the offerings, stares at Naoki as he wipes his sweat off his face.
　He paid his respects and then made a short run back through the natural tunnel.

　When he returned home, he was naturally alone. The sun was setting and the room was dimly lit. Without turning on the light, Naoki tried to put the watermelon he had received into the refrigerator. In the refrigerator, which was brightly lit only there, various things were placed in various places. There were too many bottles of used dressing, sauces, ketchup, and a mysterious brownish liquid that Yoko had made by herself, even though she tried to make room by pulling them to the side. The space we managed to create was on top of these bottles, and we could not fit them in as a whole. I had no choice but to cut them with a knife.
　In the kitchen, I put the watermelon on the cutting board and turned on the light above it, and the round edge of the watermelon shone as if it were bathed in a spotlight. I held it in place with my left hand as it was about to roll, and as soon as I slightly inserted the blade of the knife, the watermelon suddenly split in half as if it were going to split itself in half. The red flesh popped and scattered, and Naoki's eyes widened.
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　The end.