Why am I writing a novel with two people?

　My wife and I wrote the novel I posted the other day, "come to Know," together.

　My wife came up with the original idea, I wrote it based on it, she added to it and revised it, and I further processed it to finish it.

　Of course, there will still be many poor parts, and I don't know if they will be interesting or not.

　But the attempt itself is a fun one.

Characterize the ideas of others. Expand them. There are ideas that you could not have come up with on your own. You will see paths you never thought of.

　And, of course, perhaps I should be doing that alone, and many people probably do, but unfortunately, with my poor imagination, I can't think of what to write about in the first place. This is a fatal flaw for anyone who wants to write.

My wife specializes in reading and is not a writer herself, but perhaps that is why she comes up with one story after another. She has the joy of unbridled imagination. My wife is naturally more creative than I am, but my desire to write is stronger than hers.

　Then we decided to do it together.

　What do you think?

　It is a strange form, but I will try to write in this way in the future.

　Oh, I just thought of translating it into English.

　It's translation software, so it must be weird. I would like to be able to speak English.

Translated with the translation software DeepL.

なぜ2人で小説を書くのか

　先日投稿した「知ってしまう」という小説は、妻と二人で書いたものです。

　元のアイデアは妻が出し、それをもとに私が書き、妻が加筆修正し、私がさらにそれを加工して、仕上げました。

　もちろん、まだまだ拙い部分も多いだろうし、面白いかどうかは分からない。

　けれども、この試み自体は楽しいものです。

　他人の発想を文字にする。膨らませる。自分ひとりでは思いつかなかったアイデアがある。思いもしなかった道筋が見える。

　もちろん、本来はそれを一人でするべきなのかもしれないし、多くの人がそうしているだろうけれど、残念ながら、私の貧困な発想力では、そもそも何を書けば良いのか思いつかない。文章を書きたい人間にとって致命的な欠陥です。

　妻は読書専門で、みずから書く人ではないのに、というよりだからなのか、次から次へと話を思いつく。奔放な発想の喜びを持っています。本来は妻のほうが創作に向いているのですが、書きたいという気持ちは、私のほうが強いのです。

　だったら一緒にやろう、となりました。

　どうでしょうか。

　おかしな形ですが、今後もこのように、書いてみようと思います。

　あ、英語に翻訳してみたのは、ただの思いつき。

　翻訳ソフトなので、変なんだろうなあ。英語ができるようになりたいですね。

秋 （新潮クレスト・ブックス） [ アリ・スミス ] 価格：2,200円（税込、送料無料) (2023/11/8時点) 楽天で購入

come to know

　The village at the foot of the mountains where the family's home is located is a collection of ordinary farmhouses, and the road running through the center of the village is narrow, only wide enough for a single light car to pass. Moreover, the road twists and turns like a snake. The road is also very steep, and the ditches are also sloped, so the sound of running water is always loud. The road was not built with cars in mind, and if two cars collide, one of them has to keep backing up for a while.
　The village is small, with only about 20 houses, so the road up the hill soon ends in a mountain forest. There is a small shrine on the right at the entrance to the forest, and the vacant lot next to the shrine is used somewhat like a parking lot. Naoki got out of the car and frowned at the summer heat and the chorus of cicadas that immediately attacked him. Although he had come as early as possible, the sun was already as strong as midday.
　Naoki walked slowly down the slope he had just driven up.

　The main house was in the middle of the hill. The site of the house, which was piled up with earth, was another step higher. The small hill between the barn and the main house is even narrower and steeper, and I am afraid to drive up it, so I always walk from the parking lot of the company. The main house on the right side of the hill is a remnant of the liquor store that once operated there, and the frontage of the entrance is very wide. Stepping over the high threshold, I enter the dark, wide earthen floor and feel the cold air like a living creature caressing my feet.
"Hey!"
　I am surprised to find that my thick voice reverberates more than I expected. A man peeks out from the back. It is Makoto, Naoki's cousin and heir to the main family. When he saw Naoki, his cheeks relaxed.
Oh, it's been a long time, Makoto. Visiting the grave, I see. Have you been there yet?
I just wanted to say hello before I go. How are you?　Is Auntie around?
She's out in the fields. I told her she was too old and it was too hot to be doing that. Come on up, come on up, I'll give you a drink.
I'm here by car.
Why don't you have Yoko drive? Where's Yoko?
Just me today. Yoko has something to do.
　Naoki did not tell Yoko that she had not come home for the past three months.
　He sat down on the high stile that was as high as his waist, took off his shoes, and went up to the tatami room. The black lacquered table, an old-fashioned fan, the sound of the Koshien soccer tournament on the TV in the Buddhist room next door, and the view of the pond in front of the front door from the open window of the guest room were just as they had been when he was a child. I remember how my grandmother, who was still alive at the time, used to give me a bowl of rice that had been moistened with water to feed to the carp in the pond whenever I returned to my hometown. The pond was surrounded by black rocks, the rocks were covered with greenery, and there was even a small fountain. Standing in front of the window and looking out into the garden, I felt as if I were back in elementary school. The ground in this area is sandy and white, and in the summer, even the strong sunlight reflects off the white ground, making it even more dazzling.
Oh, Sunao-san, it's been a year, how are you?
　Makoto's wife, Yumi, came out. The tray in her hand was already filled with a large number of small plates of pickles and simmered dishes. It was as if she had been waiting for Naoki's arrival.
Yumi and you too," he said. Where are Micchan and the others?"
Misaki is starting college this year. She said she's going to live in a dormitory and she's out of town.
I see. I didn't realize they were already there. I'm not sure if she's going to be able to handle it anymore.
　As Naoki said this, Makoto came in with a bottle of beer and two glasses and sat cross-legged in front of the table.
What's that? It still takes a lot of work and money.
You're going to get married soon, aren't you?
Oh, please do it, please do it, please go and get married quickly.

Makoto laughed with a bravado that was tinged with acting. He is a company-employed farmer with a dark tan and white teeth. Yumi continued the conversation as they sat down to a table full of food.
Gen is starting work this year," she said.
Yuu, you're that old now, aren't you? How are you today?
She said she wanted to live alone, even though it was within commuting distance from here. So neither of us are here. But he says he's going back to his hometown.
......Well, she's young, so I guess I can understand why she wants to live on her own.
　Naoki was aware of Yumi's words, "I left," and coughed as if he was not conscious of it.
　At that moment, an incoming call melody sounded, and "Yes, yes," Makoto put his smartphone to his ear. Then he instantly became sullen and said to Naoki, "Excuse me," and walked out of the house while making the call.
It's from the office, isn't it?"
　Yumi sighed.
'Makoto's place is closed for the Bon vacations starting today, isn't it?
Yumi sighed and said, "Some departments are on vacation. He never leaves his cell phone when he's out in the field.
　Makoto has a clerical job at a local paper mill, but since he is in a managerial position, he is called in for anything and everything when the mill is in operation, even on holidays, according to the company. Naoki's company was similar.
Where's Yoko today?"
　Yumi asked while pouring herself a cup of barley tea. Naoki was about to respond that he had some business to attend to, as he had done with Makoto, when he thought better of it. As I recall, Yumi was good friends with Yoko. Naoki and Makoto were cousins of the same age and were married at the same time. At that time, I think the wives had been in touch with each other and met each other, though not frequently.
　Naoki looked at Yumi's face as he accepted the cup of barley tea.
Naoki looked at Yumi's face as she accepted a cup of barley tea.
"Haven't heard what?"
　Yumi leaned forward on the table, arranging small plates in a deft manner, and replied. Naoki immediately turned away from her. Outside the window, by the pond, Makoto was on the phone. With his right hand on his ear and left hand in his pants pocket, he was digging lightly in the white sand with his sandals. Naoki looked at Makoto and said as if it was nothing.
He's back at his parents' house right now.
Back at his parents' house?
Yes, he's back at his parents' house. He said he wants to break up with them.
What?
　Yumi stopped her hand in exclamation, even though she had wanted to treat it as a problem of the mosquitoes being abundant this year. When confronted, though, it was a natural reaction, and Naoki immediately regretted having told her. Although he had always wanted someone to listen to him, why had he chosen Yumi as the person to talk to? It was not the kind of thing to talk about with my cousin's wife, whom I only saw once a year when I visited her grave or at a memorial service. Yumi felt the same way, and she was silent, saying that it was a heavy burden to be suddenly told by her husband's cousin, whom she saw only once a year when she visited the grave or at a memorial service.

No, really, it's not that big of a deal.
What can I say? ......
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Don't worry about it. I'm sure it's only temporary.
　The first thing to do is to make sure that you have a good idea of what you are looking for. She looked at Naoki while unnaturally wiping the same spot on the tray she held to her chest over and over again with a kitchen cloth. Naoki felt the pain of his gaze, as if only his profile was partially exposed to ultraviolet rays, as he looked at Makoto who was on the phone in the garden. Makoto pretends for a moment that he is about to return, but he still continues to call and sits down on a rock surrounding the pond in the round shade of a beach parasol that is erected by the pond. It was where Makoto always sat, or perhaps it was where he always sat, and a portable radio, ashtray, and other items were always available under the round shade.
I don't think I'd say much about breaking up with you over a temporary thought,"
　Yumi said, choosing her words carefully.
'What did you do, Sunao?　Something ...... like that."
No way."
　In the thirty years since we got married, we have had a few fights, but generally we have lived together peacefully. I've never experienced any affairs, and I don't yell at him that much. Although they never had a child, they had always been on good terms with each other. At least that's what Naoki thought.
He said, "Without warning, he suddenly wants to break up with me?　How is that possible?　Was there any kind of sign?" "No."
No, nothing like that.
　Although there were no omens, Yoko had a concerned expression on her face that day. I had always thought she was either looking at me or looking in the same direction as me, but that day was different. The expression on her face that came to mind was strange.
'I did have a strange look on my face once.'
　Naoki said.
'A strange look?
'Yeah. It was during the Golden Week holidays this year, when we went on a trip.
　Naoki goes on a trip every time he has a vacation. He and Yoko took a three-night trip by train this time, although they drove when they were in the neighborhood.
　The train ride is usually a limited express, and the return trip is always a leisurely ride back home on a slow train. The train ran through the mountains. Suddenly the view opened up to the sea and we crossed a high overpass. The train entered the mountains again, crossed a tunnel, and then the view opened up again, revealing the ocean, and so on, alternating between these views.
　As I gazed at the view from the train window, a small station approached at the end of the gently curving tracks. On a whim, Naoki said, "Let's get off here. I wanted to see what this kind of mountain town near the sea was like. Naoki urged Yoko to get out of her seat and they got off at a small station.
　The station was on high ground.
　Naoki was surprised to suddenly see the whole town when he went out of the ticket gate and stood in front of the station building. There was a small roundabout at the bottom of the high stairway of the station building, and beyond the roundabout were wooden houses across the street. The entire town seemed to be made up of slopes, and the rows of houses continued down to the bottom of the hill, and beyond the break was a bay, where several fishing boats were anchored. Beyond them, one could see the blue ocean with white wave caps flickering and the horizon. The wind was strong at the station on high ground, and the scent of the sea mingled with the breeze.

 Naoki was delighted by the unexpectedly spectacular view. He went down the stairs of the station building and went to the roundabout, but there was not a single car. There was a bus stop, but no buses, not even a cab. The two of them crossed the roundabout and then crossed a two-lane road with no cars on it.
　A series of two-story wooden buildings stood in front of them. The board walls had been eroded by the wind and rain. The alley between the buildings was an old concrete structure, and the road was so narrow that I could almost reach the buildings on either side with both hands. I entered the alley, replying to Yoko, who said, "Hey, this is a private road," to which I replied, "It's okay, it's fine. An old large cart was propped up on the ground. A moped with several layers of styrofoam boxes stacked on the back of it. Dried fish hangs from the roof. Windows are draped with sliding screens, faded flowerpots sit side by side on the roadside, and here and there a cat naps, walks, or walks away, startled by Naoki and his friends. Nets and large floating fishing equipment are placed haphazardly along the roadside, and looking up, one sees that the buildings are high on both sides, the blue sky cut into long, thin strips, and black power lines crisscrossing the street in multiple layers.
　The scent of the tide grows stronger as you walk down the alleyway.
　Somewhere in the distance, the cries of dragonflies reach us. Mixed with it is the sound of a busy television set. In the window of a small, four-and-a-half-tatami-mat room, there was a man in a pair of pants, kneeling on the tatami mats, his back to us, watching TV.
　There was a wooden table with a small plate of cucumbers and dried fish, a glass and a bottle of beer, and he was slurping down the yellow beer that was slightly left at the bottom of the glass. It looked good, too. Naoki thought to himself, "I wish I could drink beer like this. The man was thin, and when he looked up from the glass, his throat was thin, with a large larynx that rose and fell. His shins, which were visible through the pants on his knees, and his arms, which stretched out from his running shirt, looked like dead branches.
　Naoki thought with satisfaction, "Let's go home and have a beer.
　Naturally, he turned to see that Yoko was feeling the same way, but she was not looking at Naoki. She was staring at the man. In a whisper, he muttered, "You drink like a delicious man," and Yoko wrinkled her brow. Eh, I don't know, it looks lukewarm and tasteless, she responded. All the while, she remained staring at the man. There was something disturbing about his expression. Naoki said, "Let's go home," and ran over Yoko's arm. Then she looked at Naoki as if suddenly coming back to herself. She reflexively shook off Naoki's hand as if it was the first time she had been touched by a stranger. Hey, what the hell," she whispered, and Yoko silently turned away and began to walk up the hill in the alley. Naoki followed her up the hill and headed back to the station.
　Yoko did not speak until they arrived home.
　The next morning, before leaving for work, Yoko told me that we were breaking up and that she was going to her parents' house. Naoki laughed it off because it was so out of the blue and he didn't have much time.
She was gone when I got home from work, and she's just like that. You don't know what I mean, do you?　He ignored all my e-mails and messages. I don't know what's going on anymore.
　Naoki said to himself in a self-deprecating manner. He felt like he was explaining how he fell down on the side of the road, having inadvertently fallen due to something that was not his fault.

I'm sure she'll be back after Obon. Yumi, are you sure you haven't heard anything?"
　I meant to say it lightly, but my voice took on an earnest tone. I hate myself for saying it in a flirtatious way.
　Yumi laughed vaguely and asked, "Do you want some sashimi?" and disappeared into the kitchen. Left alone in the guest room, Naoki looked around the kitchen for any sign of Makoto and wished he could smoke a cigarette.
　He gazed at the familiar black lacquered table he had seen since his childhood. The black lacquered zataku was well used and thick, with mother-of-pearl inlay on the top panel. The mother-of-pearl inlays are not in the shape of anything, but simply scattered about. I was gazing at the raden in all its colors peeking through the gaps between the platters and small plates Yumi had laid out when she returned. She places a plate of sashimi for one person in front of Naoki.
I don't have Yoko's phone number, e-mail address, or line anymore. ...... I used to contact her, and we used to go shopping and have dinner, but that was 20 years ago or so.
　Yumi said apologetically.
　This time Naoki smiled vaguely and nodded, but I thought the edges of his lips were pursed. I want a cigarette, I thought strongly this time. I felt irritation in my hands as they casually stroked my cheeks. I feel like I'm being given a quiz that doesn't really have an answer. Naoki is also impatient that Makoto has not returned yet. If he comes back, we can finish this conversation. I don't want to talk about Yoko anymore. Naoki feels that if he doesn't talk about Yoko, even the issue of divorce will disappear.
　He feels uncomfortable and is about to leave when Yumi says, "So I just remembered something.
I was about to leave when Yumi said, "That reminds me, I once went to something called a campervan festival.
What?　A campervan?
Yes.
A campervan, you know, for the outdoors?　Did you go with Yoko?
I'm sorry, it's not that. When I heard what you just said, I suddenly thought of something. ...... Makoto likes campervans. I was talking about how I want to buy one. But I don't feel that a camper is practical or realistic for me. The top of the driver's seat is protruding, and the face looks like a cobbler's, or ...... you know?"
I said, "Well, I'm not sure, but no, not the kobudai, but the kobudai too. ...... eh?"
　The first time I saw him, I thought, "I'm going to go to the beach," and he said, "I'm not going to go to the beach.
I went anyway," she said. I said, "Well, I went there anyway.
　Various manufacturers, both domestic and foreign, bring all kinds of used and new campervans, ranging in price from several hundred thousand yen to several tens of millions of yen, to display them. When Makoto heard that such an event was to be held at the prefecture's largest industrial exhibition hall, it was Makoto, not Yumi, who was enthusiastic. She was clueless about campers, had no interest in the outdoors, and had no desire to spend a fortune. Usually when Yumi was in the passenger seat of the car, Makoto would always point out a camper when he spotted it in town while driving, "Oh, it's a camper," but he didn't even know why he was pointing it out. I don't even know why she points at it. No, she probably points at it because she wants it, but she says she doesn't want it. But every time Makoto finds a camper, she points at it and says, "Oh, it's a camper. Yumi wondered if he was asking me to want it. But she doesn't want it. Why would I want such a big car? She would have to rent a separate parking space since she could not drive it to the house, but Makoto did not even think about that.

 I arrived well before the event started, but there were many cars parked in the parking lot, some with license plates not only from within the prefecture but also from other prefectures far away. Since it was a campervan festival, there were naturally many campervan owners, and various campervans were already parked, so much so that one could be mistaken for the venue. People were lined up in front of the building waiting for the doors to open. They waited for their turn at the hall counter and paid the admission fee, which was as expensive as a movie ticket. Then Yumi stopped.
　There was an unbelievable number of campervans lined up in neat rows.
　Yumi was overwhelmed by the sight, as she had not imagined it at all. Makoto, who had done his homework, looked at the cars one after another without hesitation. She excitedly peeked inside, took off her shoes and climbed up, talked with exhibitors, and asked for pamphlets on the cars she was interested in. Some look like large buses, some are converted vans, and some are simply sheds on the backs of light trucks. Some are luxurious like hotels, some are woody and decorated like log cabins, some focus on functionality, some have sofas, kitchens, toilets, and shower rooms, some have space for pets and storage, movable furniture is commonplace, and the "cobbler's dai" section, for example, has a loft sleeping area. The "cobblestone" part of the room was a loft sleeping area. I see what you mean, Yumi thought.
　The clientele was rich and varied. There were couples of the same age as Yumi and her friends, people with newborn babies, people with strollers, people with twins in two-person strollers, older couples, and people in wheelchairs. There were older couples, people with children in wheelchairs, people with elderly people in wheelchairs, people with small dogs, people with large dogs, people with many dogs, not only Japanese of course, but people of all skin colors and languages, cats with collars on their shoulders, people with rabbits on their shoulders, people with red Some even had a rabbit on their shoulders, some had a red parrot-like bird, and some had a mysterious animal on their shoulders that looked like a ferret, weasel, or something else entirely.
　Yumi was dizzy from seeing the world for the first time in her life. She saw campervans of all kinds, one after another, families, races, and animals of all kinds, and she felt as if she were in a wonderland. When I left the industrial exhibition hall after seeing almost all the campers, the asphalt ground shook so violently that it was difficult to walk straight. When I returned home and sat down to dinner at my usual living room table, I noticed the resemblance between Makoto and my father-in-law sitting in front of me, and when I looked at the photo on the Buddhist altar that they both stand behind, I noticed the resemblance to Makoto's grandfather and even his great uncle who died when he was still young.
　Even as they sat, the ground was still shaking.

 Once Makoto concluded, rather realistically, that he could not yet afford it, he seemed satisfied. However, whenever he saw a camper in town, he kept saying, "Oh, it's a camper. After the festival, whenever Yumi saw a camper pointed out to her in this way, she began to see through it. It was almost clairvoyant. When she looked at the car that Makoto pointed at, the space inside appeared vaguely. There was a bed there, a kitchen behind the driver's seat, a table the size of an A3 sheet, a set of sofas surrounding the table, and a tarp stored above the sliding doors to provide shade on sunny days. The tarp is stored above the sliding door to provide shade on sunny days.
At such times, Yumi feels like she knows.
She knows that there is a context to things, and that there is always a hidden path to a conclusion that at first glance is incomprehensible. Even if that path is something you do not want to see, once you see it, you know you cannot look away. Once you know, you can no longer say that you do not know. Knowing that everyone probably has a moment of knowing.
What is that? What on earth are you talking about?
　Naoki did not understand what Yumi was talking about.
What does this have to do with Yoko not coming home?　What do you mean?
　Yumi was a little troubled, and then simply laughed vaguely, saying, "I can't really say. She laughed in the same way she had laughed earlier when she went to get sashimi.
　He was making fun of me, Naoki thought, but he did not say it out loud. He was irritated. I don't know what you're trying to say or what you think you know, but putting on a knowing face is what people who don't know things do. You can interpret it however you like. I went to see a camper and I know everything. That's great. You can look through my miserable circumstances with your eyes to your heart's content.
　Just as I was thinking that, Makoto came back. He was still apologizing, emphasizing his white teeth and smiling, saying he was busy, busy, busy. He kept offering me beer even though I told him I was coming by car, and complaining about his daughter and son to Naoki, who has no children. He complains about his daughter and son to Naoki, who has no children.
　Naoki talked with her for about an hour, and then he said it was time for him to leave. Yumi did not talk about Yoko after Makoto returned, and Naoki naturally treated her as if nothing had happened. On the way back to the parking lot at the top of the hill, Yumi followed me and handed me a watermelon as a souvenir.
She said, "We're getting a lot of them, but we can't eat them all ourselves.
I'm sorry," Yumi said.　I'm sorry.
It's okay, it's okay, take it home.
Even if I take it home, I'll be on my own.
　Naoki said self-deprecatingly. Yumi laughed vaguely again, as if she was troubled. Yumi laughed again, this time in a vaguely annoyed tone, which was more mean-spirited than self-deprecating.
Do you think she'll come back, Yoko?
　Yumi only laughed vaguely at the question, which came out of nowhere.
　The sun was setting, but the shadows were thick and it was still hot.
　Naoki walked back to the car and opened the passenger door. When he put down the watermelon he had received, his arms and face were covered with the heat that had been trapped inside the car. He almost closed the door, but then thought better of it and put the seatbelt on the watermelon. I quickly closed the door, went around to the driver's side, and turned the engine key without getting in. He wanted to leave the engine running to cool the interior of the car while he visited the grave.

　Naoki walked further up the slope.
　The narrow slope in the village that leads up to the shrine hits the forest and appears to disappear, but in fact it continues. The pavement ends and is replaced by a hard-packed dirt ground, the width of the path becomes even narrower, and from this point on, it can only be climbed on foot. The lower semicircle is like a tunnel, with bare earth and holes for bees and other creatures everywhere. The upper semicircle is covered with leaves and branches of trees, and the sun shines through the trees only occasionally. As we climbed up the hill, constantly fanning our feet and surrounding area with a fan to protect ourselves from mosquitoes, bees, or anything else that might attack us, the forest on our right suddenly opened up to form a staircase-like cemetery.
　The graveyards varied in size and age, from those with magnificent headstones to those with just a row of stones. The cemetery was not paved, and the bare earth looked as if it could collapse at any moment, but the scene had not changed since Naoki was a child. He lights a bundle of incense sticks, makes a hole with a twig in the ground in front of the gravestones of his parents and family, and sticks the sticks in one by one. He waters the shikimis offered to the family. While doing so, I am sweating profusely. I am not sure how many of the graves are related to my family, or if I am related to any of them, but since I was a child, my parents and grandparents taught me to visit almost all the graves I could see. I'm sure I was taught which stone was my great-grandfather and which stone was his parent, but I don't remember anything anymore. Until recently, people were buried in the ground, so there must have been an actual tub of bodies buried in the upper graves. I felt as if my ancestors, up to me, had been standing side by side for generations and were looking down at me, the only one here. A crow perched on a gravestone at a distance, perhaps aiming at the offerings, stares at Naoki as he wipes his sweat off his face.
　He paid his respects and then made a short run back through the natural tunnel.

　When he returned home, he was naturally alone. The sun was setting and the room was dimly lit. Without turning on the light, Naoki tried to put the watermelon he had received into the refrigerator. In the refrigerator, which was brightly lit only there, various things were placed in various places. There were too many bottles of used dressing, sauces, ketchup, and a mysterious brownish liquid that Yoko had made by herself, even though she tried to make room by pulling them to the side. The space we managed to create was on top of these bottles, and we could not fit them in as a whole. I had no choice but to cut them with a knife.
　In the kitchen, I put the watermelon on the cutting board and turned on the light above it, and the round edge of the watermelon shone as if it were bathed in a spotlight. I held it in place with my left hand as it was about to roll, and as soon as I slightly inserted the blade of the knife, the watermelon suddenly split in half as if it were going to split itself in half. The red flesh popped and scattered, and Naoki's eyes widened.
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　The end.

公式TOEIC Listening & Reading 800＋ [ ETS ] 価格：3,300円（税込、送料無料) (2023/11/7時点) 楽天で購入

Translated by Deepl free version

公式TOEIC Listening & Reading 800＋ [ ETS ] 価格：3,300円（税込、送料無料) (2023/11/7時点) 楽天で購入

「知ってしまう」

　本家のある山麓の集落はありふれた農家の集まりで、村の中央を走る道はせまく、軽自動車一台がなんとか通れる程度の幅しかない。そのうえ蛇のように曲がりくねっている。さらに勾配が強く、側溝にも傾斜がついているから、流れる水音がいつも大きい。そもそも車が通る前提で作られておらず、車同士でかち合ったら、どちらかがしばらく後退し続けなければいけない。

　ニ十戸ほどしかない小さな村なので、坂道はすぐに山の森に突きあたる。森の入口の右手に小さな社があって、社のとなりの空地が何となく駐車場のように使われている。直樹は車から降りて、途端に襲いかかってくる夏の熱気と、セミの大合唱に顔をしかめた。なるべく早い時間に来たというのに、もう真昼のように陽が強い。

　直樹はいま車で上がってきた坂道を、ゆっくりと歩いて降りていった。

　本家は坂の途中にある。土盛りされた家の敷地はまた一段高い。納屋と母屋の間の小坂はさらにせまく、勾配が急で、車でそこを上がるのは怖ろしいから、いつも社の駐車場から歩いて来ることにしている。小坂を上がって右手にある母屋には、むかし酒屋を営んでいた名残りがあって、玄関の間口がやけに広い。高い敷居をまたいで入ると、暗く広い土間で、足もとを生物のような冷気が撫でる。

「おーい」

　自分の野太い声が思ったよりも反響して驚く。奥から男が顔を覗かせる。直樹の従兄弟で、本家を継いでいる誠である。直樹を見るなり頬を緩めた。

「おお、久しぶり、直。墓参りか。もう行ってきたか」

「や、その前に挨拶にと思って。元気か？　おばちゃんおる？」

「畑に行っとる。もう歳だし、こんだけの暑さじゃ、やめとけと言うのに。上がれ上がれ、いま酒出すわ」

「車で来とるから」

「陽子さんに運転してもらえばええじゃろう。あれ陽子さんは？」

「今日は俺だけ。陽子はちょっと、用事があって」

　陽子が三か月ほど前から家に戻らないことを、直樹は言わなかった。

　腰ほどもある高い上がり框に座り、靴を脱いであがると、畳の客間になる。漆塗りで使いこまれた黒い座卓、古めかしい扇風機、となりの仏間にあるテレビから甲子園の実況の声が聞こえるのも、開け放した客間の掃き出し窓から玄関前の池が見えるのも、子どもの頃のままだった。昔は帰省するたびに、水でふやかした米を入れた茶碗を、当時まだ生きていた祖母から手渡され、池の鯉にやっていたのを思い出す。池は黒い岩で囲われ、岩は緑で覆われ、小さな噴水まで作ってあった。窓の前に立ち、庭を眺めると、小学生の時分に戻ったように錯覚する。この地域の地面は砂地で白く、夏に来ると、ただでさえ強い陽の光が、白い地面に反射してよりまぶしい。

「ああ、直さん、一年ぶりねえ、元気？」

　誠の妻の由美が顔を出した。手に持つ盆には、すでに漬物や煮物の小皿が大量に載っている。まるで直樹が来るのを待ち構えていたかのようだ。

「うん由美ちゃんも。みっちゃんたちは？」

「美咲は今年から大学。寮に入るって言って、町に出てるんよ」

「あーそっか、もうそんなだったか。やっと手がかからなくなった感じかね」

　直樹がそう言うと、瓶ビールとコップ二つを持った誠がやってきて、座卓前にあぐらをかいた。

「何がじゃ。まだまだ手も金もかかる」

「結婚だってすぐなんじゃないか」

「おお、してくれしてくれ、さっさと嫁に行ってくれ」

　そう言って、誠は演技がかった豪快さで笑った。会社勤めをしながらの兼業農家で、黒々と日焼けし、歯ばかり白い。座卓いっぱいに食べ物を並べながら、由美が話を続ける。

「弦は今年から社会人で」

「ゆう君ももうそんな歳か。今日は？」

「ここから通える距離なのに、独り暮らししたいって言って出てったのよ。だから二人ともいないの。いちおう、帰省はするって言ってるけど」

「……まあ若いし、独り暮らししたいって気持はわかるかなあ」

　出てった、という由美の言葉を直樹は意識し、意識していないように咳払いした。

　その時着信メロディが鳴って、「はいはい」と誠がスマートフォンを耳に当てた。すると彼は途端に渋面になって、直樹に「ちょっと悪い」と言い、電話しながら外へ出て行った。

「会社からやね」

　と言って、由美はため息をついた。

「誠のところも、今日から盆休みだろう？」

「部署によっては出てるから。畑してる時も携帯電話を手放さないのよ」

　誠は地元の製紙工場で事務系の仕事に就いているが、管理職なので、休日でも工場が稼働している時には何やかやと呼び出しがかかるらしい。直樹の会社も似たようなものだった。

「今日は、陽子さんは？」

　麦茶を注ぎながら、由美が聞いた。直樹はまた、誠に対して言ったのと同じように、ちょっと用事があって、と応えようとして考え直した。確か由美は、陽子と仲が良かった。直樹と誠は同い年の従兄弟で、結婚の時期もおなじであった。あの時、頻繁ではないにせよ、妻同士で連絡を取り、会っていたことがあったように思う。

　直樹は麦茶のコップを受けとりながら、由美の顔色を窺った。

「何か、陽子から聞いてない？」

「聞いてないって、何が？」

　由美は座卓の上に身を乗り出し、小皿を手際よくならべながら返事をした。直樹はすぐに彼女から目をそらした。窓の外の池のほとりでは、誠が電話している。右手でスマートフォンを耳に当て、左手はズボンのポケットに入れ、無意識にか白い砂地をサンダルで軽く掘っている。直樹はそんな誠の姿を見ながら、何でもないことのように言った。

「いまあいつ実家に戻ってて」

「実家に？」

「そう。なんか別れたいとか言ってて」

「えっ」

　今年は蚊が多いという程度の問題として取り扱いたかったのに、由美は絶句して手を止めた。とはいえ直面してみれば当たり前の反応で、直樹はすぐに話したことを後悔した。誰かに話を聞いてほしいとは常に思っていたものの、その相手として、どうして由美を選んでしまったのか。一年に一度の墓参りか法事の時にしか会わない従兄弟の妻に話すようなことではなかった。それは由美も同様で、一年に一度の墓参りか法事の時にしか会わない夫の従兄弟から突然聞かされる告白としては、荷が重いという黙り方をした。

「いや、ほんと、そんなに大した話じゃなくて」

「何ていうか……」

「ごめんごめん、ほんとごめん。気にしないで。どうせ、一時的なものだと思うから」

　由美は空になったお盆を胸の前に抱え、それで身を守ろうとしているかのようだった。胸に抱えたお盆の同じところを台ふきで不自然に何度も拭きながら、直樹を見つめる。直樹は、横顔にだけ部分的に紫外線を浴びているような視線の痛みを感じつつ、庭で電話する誠の姿ばかり眺める。誠は一瞬、戻りそうな素振りを見せたが、まだ電話を続け、池のほとりに立てられているビーチパラソルの丸い日陰の中で、池を囲う岩に腰かけてしまった。そこは誠がいつも座る場所なのか、携帯ラジオや灰皿等が丸い日陰の下に常備されていた。

「一時的な思いで、別れるとか、あんまり言わないと思うけど」

　由美が言葉を選びながら言った。

「直さん、何かしたの？　何か……そういうようなこと」

「とんでもない」

　結婚してからの三十年間、喧嘩は何度かしたが、おおむね平和に過ごしてきた。浮気は経験がないし、そこまで怒鳴ったりすることもない。子供はできなかったものの、ずっと夫婦仲は良かった。少なくとも直樹はそう思っていた。

「何の前触れもなく、突然、別れたいって？　そんなことある？　何か前兆みたいなものもなかったの？」

「ないよそんなもの」

　前兆はなかったものの、あの日、陽子は気にかかる表情をした。いつもこちらを窺うように見ているか、自分と同じ方向を見ていると思っていたのが、その日は違っていた。思い浮かべた彼女の表情は奇妙だった。

「変な顔をしたことは一度あった」　

　と直樹は言った。

「変な顔？」

「うん。今年のゴールデンウィークで、旅行に行った時に」

　直樹は休みのたびに旅行へ出かける。近場であれば車で行くものの、今回は電車で、陽子とともに三泊の旅行をした。

　電車旅行では大体、行きは特急で、帰り道は、鈍行列車に揺られてのんびり帰路につくのがいつもの決まりだった。列車は山間を走った。いきなり視界が開けて海が見え、高い陸橋を渡った。また山間に入り、トンネルを越え、また視界が開けて海が見え、そうした景色が交互に繰り返された。

　車窓の眺めに見入っていると、ゆるくカーブした線路の先に、小さな駅が近づいてくる。ふとした気紛れに、ここで降りてみよう、と直樹は言った。このような、海が近い山間の町というものはどんなものか、見てみたくなった。ここで降りる、と陽子をせかして席を立たせ、ふたりは小さな駅に降り立った。

　その駅は高台にあった。

　改札を出て駅舎の前に立つと、突然町全体が見渡せて、直樹は驚いた。駅舎の高い階段の下には小さなロータリーがあり、そのロータリーの向こうには、道を挟んで木造の家々があった。町全体が坂でできているらしく、坂の下方まで家並が続き、途切れた向こうは湾になっていて、漁船が何艘か停泊している。その向こうに、白い波頭がちらつく青い海原、水平線まで見渡せる。高台の駅は風が強く、風には潮の香りが混じり、ギラリと虹色に光る銀蠅が、目前をふいっと横切って行った。

　思わぬ絶景に直樹は喜んだ。駅舎の階段を降り、ロータリーに行っても、車は一台もない。バス停はあるもののバスもなく、タクシーの一台すら停まっていない。ふたりはそのままロータリーを横切り、車のない二車線道路を横断した。

　二階建ての木造の建屋が続いている。板壁は風雨に浸食されている。大通り沿いはアスファルト舗装だったが、建屋と建屋の間の路地は古いコンクリート造りで、道はせまく、両手を伸ばせば左右の建屋に指が届きそうなほどだった。ちょっと、ここ私道じゃないの、と声をかけてくる陽子に、いいだろ、大丈夫だよ、と返しながら、路地に入る。古い大八車が立てかけられている。原付バイクが荷台に発泡スチロールの箱を何段も重ねて載せてある。魚の干物が吊るされている。窓にはすだれがかけられ、道端には褪せた色の植木鉢が並べて置いてあり、そこかしこで猫が昼寝をしたり散歩をしたり直樹たちに驚いて立ち去ったりする。網や大きな浮きのような漁具が道端に無造作に置かれ、見あげてみれば、建屋は左右とも高く、青空が長細く切り取られ、黒い電線が幾重にも横切る。

　坂の路地を下るにつれて、潮の香りが強まってくる。

　どこか遠くからトンビの鳴き声が届く。それに混じって、にぎやかなテレビの音がする。とある建屋の窓の中、四畳半ほどのせまい室内にステテコ姿の男がいて、畳に立膝をつき、こちらに背を向け、テレビを観ている姿があった。

　木の卓袱台にはちりめんじゃことキュウリの載った小皿が置かれ、コップと瓶ビールがあり、コップの底にわずかに残った黄色いビールを喉に流しこんでいた。それがいいかにも美味そうだった。直樹は、俺もこうしてビールを飲みたい、と思った。男は痩せていて、コップを仰いだ時に見えた喉は細く、上下する喉仏が大きかった。立膝のステテコから見える脛や、ランニングシャツから伸びる腕は、枯れ枝のようだった。

　直樹は満足げに、家に帰ってビールを飲もう、と思った。

　当然、陽子も同じ気持ちだろうと振り返ると、陽子は直樹を見ていなかった。彼女はじっと男を見ていた。小声で、美味そうに飲むな、と呟くと、陽子は眉間に皺を寄せた。え、そうかな、ぬるくて不味そうだけど、と彼女は応えた。その間も、じっと男を見つめたままだった。何か不穏な表情をしている。直樹は、帰るぞ、と言い、陽子の腕をひいた。すると彼女は急に我に返ったように直樹を見た。まるで見知らぬ他人に初めて触れられたみたいに、反射的に直樹の手を振りはらう。おい、なんだよ、と小声で言うと、陽子は黙って背を向け、路地の坂を登りはじめた。何だかわからないまま、直樹も彼女の後についてゆき、駅に戻った。

　家に着くまで、陽子は何も喋らなかった。

　翌日の朝、出社前に陽子から、別れる、実家に行く、と告げられた。あまりにも突拍子もなく、時間もなかったから、直樹は笑って受け流した。

「それで会社から帰ったらいなくて、そのまんま。意味わからんやろ？　メールもラインも全部無視でさ。もう何がなんだか」

　直樹は自嘲するように言った。道端で、自分が原因でない何かのせいで、うっかり転んでしまった、その転び方を説明している気分だった。

　彼は滑稽な失敗話のように話したかったのに、由美は神妙な表情を崩さない。庭でようやく電話を終えたらしい誠が、スマートフォンを耳から降ろしてこちらに向かいかけた途端、また着信音が鳴って、彼は再びUターンしてビーチパラソルの日陰に戻った。そのまま岩に腰掛け、今度はポケットから煙草を取り出し、リラックスした顔で吸いはじめる。ときどき破裂したような笑い声を響かせる。今度は仕事の電話ではないのかもしれない。

　直樹もかつては喫煙者だった。吸わなくなってもうだいぶ時間が経った。しかし時々、喫煙の感覚が蘇ることがあり、今がまさにそうだった。そんな時はただじっと我慢するしかない。彼は奥歯を噛み締める。首筋に汗が垂れてくる。ハンカチで拭き、麦茶を飲み干す。

「お盆すぎたら、帰ってくると思うけどさ。由美ちゃんほんとに、何も聞いてない？」

　軽く言ったつもりが、切実な声色が混ざった。媚びるような言い方が自分でいやになる。

　由美は曖昧に笑い、「お刺身食べる？」と台所に消えた。ひとり客間に残された直樹は、台所の気配を窺い、また誠の姿を眺め、煙草を吸いたい、と思った。

　子供時代から見慣れた座卓を見つめる。黒い漆塗りの座卓は、使いこまれ、厚みがあり、天板に貝の螺鈿細工が光る。螺鈿は何かを象ったものではなく、単に散りばめられている。由美が並べた大皿や小皿の隙間から覗く、その何色もの螺鈿の輝きをぼんやり眺めていたら、由美が戻って来た。一人前だけ盛り付けた刺身皿を直樹の前に置く。

「私、いまはもう、陽子さんの電話番号もメルアドも、ラインも知らないのよ……たしかに昔は連絡したりして、ちょっと買い物とか食事に行ってたことがあったけど、それってもう、二十年とか、そのくらい前の話で」

　由美は申し訳なさそうに言った。

　今度は直樹が曖昧に笑ってうなずいたが、唇の端が引きつった気がした。煙草が吸いたい、と今度は強く思う。何気なく頬を撫でる手に苛立ちがこもる。本当は答えなんてないクイズを出されている気分。誠がまだ戻らないことにも直樹は焦れている。彼が戻れば、この話を終えることができる。もう陽子の話はしたくない。直樹は、陽子の話さえしなければ離婚の問題すら無くなるような気がしている。

　居心地悪く、もう帰ろうかと思った時、由美が言った。

「それでちょっと思い出したんだけど、キャンピングカーフェスティバルっていうのに行ったことがあって」

「え？　キャンピングカー？」

「うん」

「キャンピングカーって、あの、アウトドアの？　陽子と行ったの？」

「ごめんなさい、そうじゃなくて。いまの話を聞いてたら、何だか突然連想したんだけど……誠さんが、キャンピングカーが好きなのよ。買いたいねって話をしてて。でも、キャンピングカーってなんだか、実用性も現実感も私には持てなくて。運転席の上がでっぱってて、顔がコブダイに似てるというか……わかる？」

「ええっと、よくわからんが、いやコブダイがじゃなくて、コブダイもだけど……え？」

　すると由美は、机の上の枝豆をひとつつまんで口にいれ、そばにあった麦茶を飲んだ。

「まあとにかく行ったのよ。今しか買えないかもしれないとか言って」

　国内外を問わず、種々雑多なメーカーが、中古から新車まで、数十万円から数千万円まで、ありとあらゆるキャンピングカーを持ち寄って展示する。そんな催しが、県下で一番大きい産業展示館で開催されると聞いた時、乗り気だったのは誠で、由美ではなかった。彼女はキャンピングカーについては無知だったし、アウトドアにも興味がなく、高い買い物をしたいとも思っていなかった。普段、由美が車の助手席に乗っている時、誠はいつも運転しながら、街中でキャンピングカーを見つけて「あ、キャンピングカーだ」と指差すのだが、なぜ指差すのかもわからない。いや欲しいから指差しているのだろうが、彼女は欲しくないと言っている。そう言っているのに毎回毎回誠はキャンピングカーを見つけて「あ、キャンピングカーだ」と指差す。私に欲しがれと言っているのか、と由美は思った。しかし彼女は欲しくはない。どうしてあんなに大きな車が欲しいのか。この家まで乗り入れることもできないから、別に駐車場も借りなければならないだろうに、誠はそんなことを考えもしない。

　イベント開始時刻より十分ほど早く着いたのだが、駐車場にはだいぶ車が停まっていて、県内だけではなく、遠い都道府県のナンバープレートを付けた車もちらほらいた。キャンピングカーフェスティバルなのだから、キャンピングカーオーナーの客も当然多く、すでに様々なキャンピングカーも停まっていて、そこが会場なのかと勘違いするほどだった。建物の正面には開場を待つ人々が列を作っていた。ホールカウンターで順番を待ち、入場料を払い、その入場料も映画のチケット並の値段で驚かされながら、浮かない気持ちで大ホールの扉をくぐる。そして由美は足を止めた。

　そこには、とんでもない台数のキャンピングカーが、整然と並べられていた。

　まったく想像していなかっただけに、由美はまずその光景に圧倒された。入念に下調べしていた誠は、躊躇なく、次々と車を見てゆく。うきうきと中を覗いたり、靴を脱いで上がってみたり、出展者と話をしたり、気になる車のパンフレットをもらったりしている。大型バスみたいなものから、バンを改装したもの、軽トラの荷台に小屋を積んだだけのものもある。ホテルのようにラグジュアリーな仕様のもの、ログハウスめかしたウッディーな装飾、あるいは機能性重視、一転、必要最低限寝られるだけのもの、ソファありキッチンありトイレありシャワールームあり、ペット用の空間や収納に工夫を凝らし、可動式の家具は当たり前で、例のコブダイの部分は、ロフトの寝台なのだった。なるほどそうだったか、と由美は思った。

　客層も豊かで、バラエティに富んでいた。由美たちと同じ年代の夫婦づれや、生まれたばかりの赤ん坊を抱えた人、ベビーカーに乗せた人、二人乗りのベビーカーに双子を乗せた人。もっと年配の夫婦、車いすの子供を連れた人、車いすのお年寄りを連れた人、小型犬を連れた人、大型犬を連れた人、とにかく何頭も連れている人、もちろん日本人だけでなく、肌の色も話す言葉も様々、首輪をつけた猫を連れていたりするのは序の口で、肩にウサギを乗せた人も、赤いオウムのような鳥を乗せた人までいたし、フェレットかイタチか、もしくはまったく別の何かなのか、にょろりとした謎の動物を肩に乗せた人まで見た。

　由美は生まれてはじめて見る世界に眩暈を覚えた。ありとあらゆる種類のキャンピングカーを次から次へと見て、ありとあらゆる家族、人種、動物たちを見てゆくうちに、不思議の国にいるみたいな気分になった。ほとんどすべてのキャンピングカーを見終えて産業展示館を出た時には、アスファルトの地面がぐらりと揺れ、足が取られ、真っすぐ歩くのも困難に感じるほどだった。家に帰り、いつもの居間の座卓で夕飯をとっていると、正面に座る誠と義父が似ていることに気がつき、ふたりの背にする仏壇の上の写真を見ると、誠の祖父や、まだ若い時に亡くなった大叔父までが似ていることに気がついた。

　座っていても、地面はまだ揺れていた。

　金額に関してだけはやけに現実的に「まだ買えない」と結論づけた誠は、いったん満足した様子だった。しかし街中でキャンピングカーを見つけるたびに「あ、キャンピングカーだ」と変わらず言い続けていた。由美はフェスティバル以降、そうして指差されたキャンピングカーを見るにつけ、そのキャンピングカーの内部が透けて見えるようになった。それはほとんど透視能力だった。誠が指さす車を見ていると、中の空間がぼんやりと浮かびあがってくる。あそこはベッドになっている、運転席の後ろにはきっとキッチンがある、あれぐらいの車体の大きさなら、A3用紙一枚分ぐらいのテーブルがあって、そのテーブルを囲むようにソファのセットがある、スライド式のドアの上にはタープが収納されていて、陽射しの強い日には日陰を作ることができる。

　そんな時、由美は、知ってしまった、という気分になる。

　物事には文脈があり、一見して理解できない結論にも、必ずそこに至る道筋が隠されていることを知る。その道筋が見たくないものでも、一度見たら目をそらせないことを知る。一度知ってしまったら、知らないとはもう言えないことを知る。知ってしまう瞬間というものは、誰にでもたぶん、きっとある、ということを知る。

「なにそれ。一体なんの話なの」

　直樹には、由美が何を言っているのか理解できなかった。

「その話と、陽子が帰らないのと、どう繋がってるの？　どういうこと？」

　由美はすこしだけ悩んだ後、「うまく言えない」と曖昧に笑うだけだった。先ほど、刺身を取りに行った時と同じ笑い方だった。

　馬鹿にしている、と直樹は思ったが、口に出しては言わなかった。彼は苛々していた。何を言いたいのか、わかったつもりになったのか知らないが、知った風な顔をするのは、物を知らない人間のすることだ。好きなように解釈すればいい。キャンピングカーを見に行ったら何でもわかるようになった。けっこうな話だ。その目で思う存分、みじめな俺のみじめな境遇を見透かすといい。

　そう思ったところで、誠が戻ってきた。あいかわらず白い歯を強調して謝りながら、忙しい忙しいと笑う。車で来ていると言っているのにしきりにビールを勧め、子どものいない直樹に向かって娘や息子の愚痴を語る。好きにすればいい。

　直樹は小一時間ほど当たり障りのない話をして、もうそろそろ、と席を立った。由美は誠が戻ってからは陽子の話をしなかったし、直樹も当然、何事もなかったように接した。母屋と納屋の間の小坂を降りて、坂道の上の駐車場に戻る途中、由美が追いかけてきて、土産にとスイカを手渡してきた。

「いっぱいもらうんだけど、うちらとお義母さんだけじゃ食べきれないから」

「こんな立派なスイカ、いいの？　悪いなあ」

「いいのよ、いいの、持って帰って」

「持って帰っても、俺ひとりだからなあ」

　直樹は自虐めいて言った。由美はまた困ったように曖昧に笑った。自虐というよりは彼女に対する意地悪のようになった。

「陽子、戻ってくると思う？」

　思わずついて出たその質問にも、由美はただ曖昧に笑うだけだった。

　陽は傾いていたが、影は濃く、まだまだ暑かった。

　直樹は車まで戻ると、助手席の扉を開けた。もらったスイカを置くと、両腕と顔面が車内にこもっていた熱気に覆われた。扉を閉めかけたが、思い直して、スイカにシートベルトをかける。すぐに扉を閉めて運転席側に回り、乗りこまずにエンジンキーを回した。墓参りの間エンジンをかけっぱなしにして、車内を冷やしておきたかった。

　直樹はさらに坂道を上った。

　社まで続く村の細い坂道は森に当たって、一見消えたように見えるが、実は続いている。舗装は終わって、踏み固められた土の地面に変わると、道幅はさらに細くなり、ここからは徒歩でしか登れない。トンネルのようになっており、下の半円は土が剥き出しで、ジガバチや何かの巣穴がいたるところにある。上の半円は樹々の枝葉で、木漏れ日はたまにしか入らない。団扇で常に周囲や足もとをあおぎながら、蚊や蜂や他の何かの襲撃に備えつつ、坂を上ってゆくと、右手の森が急に開けて、階段状の墓地となる。

　立派な墓石を組んだものから、ただ石を並べただけのものまで、規模も年代も様々だった。墓地も舗装されておらず、土の地面が剥き出しで、いつ地崩れしてもおかしくなさそうに見えるが、直樹が子どもの頃から変わらない光景だ。彼は線香の束に火をつけ、両親や一族の墓石の前の地面に小枝で穴を開け、一本一本、線香を差してゆく。供えられたシキミに水をやる。そうしている間にだいぶ汗をかいている。どこまでが自分の一族と関係ある墓なのか、もしかしたらすべて血縁があるのかわからないが、子どもの頃から、見渡せるほとんどすべての墓に参るようにと、親や祖父母から教えられた。どの石が曾祖父で、どの石がその親なのか、教わったはずだがもう何も覚えていない。割と最近まで土葬だったから、上のほうにある墓には実際に遺体の入った桶が埋められているはずだ。自分まで至る何代もの祖先が並び立ち、たったひとりで来た自分を見下ろしているような気がする。供え物を狙っているのか、離れた場所にある墓石の上にとまったカラスが、汗を拭く直樹の様子をじっと見つめている。

　彼はひと通り拝み、小走りで天然のトンネルを戻った。

　家に帰ると、当然、ひとりだった。陽は暮れ、室内は薄暗かった。直樹は照明も点けず、もらったスイカを冷蔵庫に入れようとする。そこだけ明るい冷蔵庫の中には、色々なものが所せましと置かれている。わきに寄せて寄せてスペースを確保しようにも、使いさしのドレッシングやソース、ケチャップや、陽子が手作りした茶褐色の謎の液体の入ったビン類が多すぎる。なんとか生まれた隙間はそうしたビン類の上で、丸のままでは入りそうにない。しかたなく包丁で切ることにする。

　台所でまな板の上にスイカを置き、その上の照明だけ点けると、まるでスポットライトを浴びるようにスイカの丸い縁が光った。転がりそうになるのを左手でおさえ、包丁の刃をわずかに入れた途端、スイカはいきなり、みずから裂けるように真二つに割れた。赤い果肉が弾けて散り、直樹は大きく目を見開いた。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　了